Is It Love or Adrenaline?

“When in the bloodstream, it rapidly prepares the body for action in emergency situations….It increases heart rate and stroke volume, dilates the pupils, and constricts arterioles in the skin and gastrointestinal tract while dilating arterioles in skeletal muscles.”

– Wikipedia, on the effects of Epinephrine (aka Adrenaline)

The other day, my witty girlfriend Helene gave me an important insight in understanding myself. (You’re just awesome, dear.)

Well, I was bbm-ing her about some self-discovery -

After all this time, it suddenly occurred to me that I’m someone that actually enjoy chasing men much more than being chased by them.

In fact, as the guy gradually gives in and renders himself (either emotionally, physically, or more often, both,) my interest in him gradually declines pro-rata.

Then comes Helene’s reply. First of all she comforted me, letting me know that I’m not a loner she-wolf – “I know a lot of girls who are like that.” Then she goes, “It’s the adrenaline you’re after, not the romance after that.” Indeed, the period when I was trying every means to get the guy’s heart is the most intoxicating experience of all time. For me, likely nothing is more stimulating or mind-blowing than a little adrenaline ride.

Well, surely I always feel very in love in the process – but what else can better explain the loss of interest than Helene’s adrenaline theory? Time should also have played an important part – couples slowly get tired of each other as time goes by. Nonetheless, the direct negative correlation between the guy’s interest and mine seems to point to the naughty direction.

So is it real love or just my adrenaline going? I can’t help but wonder. Can this or the next time be a beautiful exception – that I do really unconditionally love the guy, that it’s not my desire to play? Would he be someone I’d be with for a many many years of romance, after a few days/months/years of hormone rush?

Man, now I feel like a man.

Virgin or No Virgin

I mean, it shouldn’t come to me as a surprise that Americans and Chinese have very different views on virginity, should it? Yet I’d admit I WAS surprised (although not unpleasantly) when I learnt the lesson from my own experience.

As a Chinese girl, I’ve worked hard to keep my virginity (look, I’m not saying it’s a bad decision or that I regret it.) I was always a GOOD GIRL — a model student, a loving daughter — with whatever criteria you judge me. All in all, in order to be viewed as a  GOOD GIRL, I watched my behavior and make sure they don’t fall out of place (or alternatively, when they do, I make sure no one finds out.) A GOOD GIRL is expected to have stellar morals, among other things. (I’m sorry if I bore you with my professionalism… but it’s no joke for me when it comes to goal-achieving and perfection!)

And speaking of morals. From 5,000 years of culture, we Chinese girls are taught to be extra careful with our virginity. KEEP IT UNTIL YOUR WEDDING NIGHT (and marry only once!) is the essence of all related doctrines. Girls who give themselves out before marriage are either soft-willed fools or easy bitches, according to traditional thinking. I would probably agree with the soft-willed accusation, but definitely not the second one. For god’s sake, BITCHES ARE HOT. (I have zero tolerance to people who are easily swayed by others and don’t know what themselves really want. I would despise myself if I lose my virginity because some guy begged me for sex, or threatened to break up with me – this is not going to happen. Seriously, mercy love/fuck is so not my thing.)

But still, while I’m screaming SEX in my mind, apparently I did an amazing job in getting EVERYBODY to believe that I have none of these “dirty” thoughts. This gal is the ultimate angel, probably the last virgin on earth. Likely true — considering that I’ve lived in the sin city of New York for 3 years. Plus, how many girls are losing their virginity in college, high school, even junior high school in China today? Rumors say that you can’t find many virgins in a college graduate class anymore. (This is not 100% accurate though, just like people say you can’t find cute, straight, single guys in NYU. ) It’s not that I don’t have chances, or that I’m not cute or sexy.  I can’t help but wonder: Am I keeping my virginity out of inertia?

4 years ago, this guy who chased me fervently told me that I set too high a standard for potential boyfriends. Maybe. But I seriously have no interest in naïve boys. (I haven’t been attracted to boys of my own age since Grade Six. And while at school, there is basically little chance to meet boys other than those in your own age range.) Anyway, so this comment was ok.  However, the same guy who made the above observation told me secretly that for a year or so, he thought I was, eh, COLD.  I must say I was surprised. Like, I don’t understand how I would be perceived as COLD by a guy that knows me so well on a personal level, one who had defined me as a RED ROSE over a white rose (think rhetorically)? Just because I didn’t have sex with him (and even told him that “I will never”,) refused to talk dirty with him, or the fact that I remain a virgin until today?

I felt repelled. What’s so wrong with being a virgin? Is being a 21-year-old virgin an equivalent of rigidness and unattractiveness to most Americans? (BTW, what’s the average age American girls lose virginity? 17 something?) I’ve always loved sex. I’m passionate, adventurous and naughty; no doubt I’m a wonderful lover. But I just don’t see why I should have sex with an uninteresting guy. (OK, I don’t deny that I’m a stubborn idealist sometimes.)

And then there’s this American guy that asked me not to get offended when he told me he had always thought I was a virgin. Hmm. Should I get offended that he had thought me as a virgin, or that he no longer thought so? I was certainly not offended. In fact, I was amused. Clearly, there was a great culture clash and I was in the middle of it. All I can say is that I have really done my job well – in retaining myself. (See? This is the kind of work ethics I’ve got.) And of course it had something to do with my baby look too… I’m a 21-year-old who still looks like a Lolita in bed.

Later when I was thinking about the two incidences, I felt more relieved than ever. This Shanghai gal (New York style) has come to realize that there’s nothing wrong with being and acting like herself. She surely shouldn’t have act reckless at the age of 13, but now that she’s 21, she figured that it’s time to let herself free – from being a good girl – in a traditional sense.

“S.O.S. she’s in disguise

S.O.S. she’s in disguise

There’s a she wolf in disguise

Coming out, coming out, coming out

A domesticated girl that’s all you ask of me

Darling it is no joke, this is lycanthropy

The moon’s awake now with eyes wide open

My body’s craving, so feed the hungry

I’ve been devoting myself to you Monday to Monday and Friday to Friday

Not getting enough retribution or decent incentives to keep me at it

I’m starting to feel just a little abused like a coffee machine in an office

So I’m gonna go somewhere cozy to get me a lover

And tell you all about it

There’s a she wolf in your closet

Open up and set her free

There’s a she wolf in your closet

Let it out so it can breathe”

–She Wolf, by Shakira

Sex Checks

I discovered this incredibly flirty and fun “sex checks” in Urban Outfitters yesterday. It’s a hard-covered “checkbook.” Two black rabbits standing facing each other on a hot pink background, with tagline “60 checks for maintaining balance in the bedroom.”

This love checkbook is really more than just a flirty face. Its witty, sexy content is so much fun to read! (I literally laughed out loud many times when I went through the checkbook.) It has 30 IOU and 30 UOME checks. (In case you don’t know what these short forms stand for: IOU = I owe you; UOME = you owe me. ) I’d like to share with you a few examples of the checks:

- IOU a private lap dance

GET OUT YOUR WALLET, ‘CAUSE I’M READY TO SHAKE MY MONEYMAKER

(Sexy!! I love my sugar daddy.)

- IOU one night of cheap talk

PAYABLE IN FULL BY:

* INITIATING PHONE SEX    * READING AN EROTIC STORY ALOUD    * TALKING DIRTY TO YOU    * SHARING A SEXUAL FANTANSY

(All sounds so appealing to me! But if only one is allowed I guess I’d go with… Talking dirty.)

-  UOME a private one-on-one consulting session

AT WHICH YOU’LL TELL ME:

*  A SECRET NO ONE KNOWS ABOUT YOU    * YOUR MOST TABOO FANTASY    *EXACTLY WHERE YOU WANT TO BE TOUCHED    * OTHER: _____________

(“Your most taboo fantasy” for sure)

- UOME a commitment to scout out new sexual real estate

SPECULATIVE MARKETS COULD INCLUDE:

* IN FRONT OF A MIRROR      * ON THE KITCHEN TABLE      * ON THE FLOOR    *OUTDOORS       * OTHER: ____________

(Again, can we do all? Ok, well, start with the kitchen table, shall we? Because nothing goes better with steamy sex than some creamy rich food. They say the God of Food = the God of Sex!)

It also has a line at the bottom of each check that’s well worth checking out. Like this one: AROUSED INTEREST WILL BE APPLIED TOWARD FUTURE TRANSACTIONS ON YOUR ACCOUNT. And this one: SEXUAL RETURN RATES MAY INCREASE BY 69 PERCENT OR MORE.

Last but not least, these playful checks are really well made on high quality solid paper. Haven’t decided yet who am I going to gift this checkbook to, although I do have one particular person in mind. Anyway, whoever this lucky guy is, he’s definitely never going to forget it… cuz I’m a responsible indebted citizen… and I’d make sure I get a perfect credit score from it!

A little side story:

The cashier actually forgot to put this checkbook into my shopping bag, so I had to go back on my way home to take it. I was amused when I heard myself saying to the guy: “Look, there is one item missing in my shopping bag. I didn’t get my sex checks!”